Building Community Where You Are
May 23, 2019“Man, I’m gonna miss those guys”
My three year-old sighs wistfully as we leave the local fast food play area where he has spent the better part of an hour playing with a small pack of kids previously unknown to him and likely to never see again. I have to laugh, the lifetime of a friendship taking place over a such a short period of time. It never ceases to amaze me how kids can do that. They just fall into place, become fast friends, and then move along to the next thing. If only it were that simple in adulthood.
As we grow and move through our lives, our social circles shrink and shift, while friendships become harder to establish and maintain. Friendship expert Shasta Nelson points out that “studies show that we are replacing half of our close friends every seven years throughout our entire lives”. What we learn from this information is that we are continually making and losing friends on a micro level, and over time we can either get really good at doing it or continue to struggle to grasp a skill that is actually a lot harder than it was when we were three years old.
Not unlike so many others in our city, our family has moved several times. From Utah, to Kansas, Oklahoma, and finally settling here in Cypress. One of the unintended benefits of all of these moves is learning to make friends quickly. As a deeply extroverted person with a need for connection and friendship, it’s essential for my well being. Here are a few ways that I have learned to make friends in a new city.
Let Social Media Work For You
People complain that social media deflects from genuine human interactions, however I have found that it can be a wonderful tool for connecting people within a community. Finding groups that are specific and encourage authentic conversations can be the foundation of a great friendship. The popularity of “moms groups” on Facebook are the perfect example of using social media to make real life connections.
Stay Local
Even in a city as large as Cypress, I’m amazed at how much of a “small town feel” I’ve gotten just by staying within my small section of town. You increase your connection to a place when you are actually living in that space. Visiting your doctor, dentist, hair stylist, local parks, shopping centers, library, gym, all become very familiar and part of your immediate community. You also begin to see a lot of the same people in these places, forming new friendships and community identity.
Invest in your hobbies and interests
This seems like a no brainer, but as adults we tend to fall away from sports and hobbies as form of social or physical outlet. Knitting, basketball, running, book club, barbershop quartet, whatever it is that you’re into, find other people who are into it and form a small group.
Get involved
Volunteer at your kids school, church, neighborhood events.
Find activities that encourage interaction and involvement
Do the activities your kids are involved in encourage interactions and involvement from adults?
Be Brave and Say Yes!
I’ve learned that FINDING opportunities to build community is less difficult when you have the disposition to be social. This is where I believe the challenge lies for most adults. Making friends seems like something we all learned to do, however unless you have developed this skill over time, it’s not that easy. Becoming a part of a community requires stepping out of your comfort zone. Obviously, never placing yourself in uncomfortable or dangerous situations. But, it means introducing yourself to the mom on the other bench at the playground. Going to that girls night when you’d rather be home binging Game of Thrones in your sweats. You don’t get community without participating in community.
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